


Watch my Six

by Alia_Jane



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-04-13 21:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4538043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alia_Jane/pseuds/Alia_Jane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Alia Shepard is a flirt. Always has been, always will be. Her desires have been easy to manage, easy to pursue and forget, until two men prove that the great Commander, the Survivor of Akuze, has a human heart after all.</p>
<p>Written because there is just not enough out there to satisfy my desire for this grouping. Expect much angst and hot dirtiness.<br/>Obviously, there will be quite a lot of messing with cannon and dialogue...because plot. And stuff. Anyway, don't read this expecting it to follow the game explicitly. <br/>******************</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A bit of fun

Prologue

_Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another._

A limiting viewpoint, but essentially correct at its most basic premise. The being represented by light, it’s experiences transcending millennia, it’s sensor arrays spanning uncounted parsecs in all directions, mused on the lone figure struggling towards the green fire.

Billions of data points flashed through its highly evolved synthetic mind in the time it took the woman to reach the beam and fall.

The being came to a realisation. Alone, it would fail. Alone, sacrifice would mean nothing. So, the only logical solution was obvious.

 

*****************************************************

 

Chapter 1

 

A bit of fun, that's all it was.

Flirting.

Harmless.

Until it wasn't.

The looks, the almost touches.

It was driving her insane.

Commander Alia Shepard was not amused.

Every time she passed his terminal, there he stood.

Smirking.

Bastard.

He knew what he was doing. She was convinced he could see how her legs turned to jelly, how her stomach fluttered when he spoke.

Poorly concealed lust blazed from her face every time, regulations be damned! 

But no. She wouldn’t. Couldn’t. He was a subordinate, directly under her command. It would be a gross transgression of trust. Wouldn’t it?

Lying awake in her cheerless bunk, the question seemed moot. She was very aware that only a thin wall separated the Captain's cabin, and the crew pods. She tried not to think of how close he was. How close his semi clothed figure was in relation to her now naked one. Only an iron will stopped her calling him on the comm, aware he would come but fearing rejection in his eyes. They’d skirted around each others histories, before Anderson had given her the ship. She knew he’d seen things, hell, done things, that should have had her running for the figurative hills. That said, she wasn’t much better. Earth brat, orphaned and slaver reared, she’d done many things she wasn’t proud of. She hadn’t told him that. All he knew was the public face of Commander Shepard, the Survivor of Akuze. But, it bled through. He’d already raised concerns over some of her decisions, despite whatever was brewing between them, if there was anything brewing.

Damn it, Shepard, just call him in already, jump his bones, get it out of your system. Move on with the mission with a clear head. Except that she didn’t. Exasperated, she threw on a robe and headed to the mess to make some tea. Evidently sleep was not on her agenda tonight so she might as well make the most of some awake time.

 

*********************

Night after night he stripped to his regulation sleepwear and entered the pod. He hated the pod. Transparent except for a discreet frosting around the middle. Marines learned early on just how much could be seen through the glass.

It was enclosed.

Breathless.

Lying awake, he could see other members of the day crew ranked like dominos down the bay. They were all sleeping soundly. Disgusted, he tried not to think of the other occupant that he shared with. He couldn’t even turn around. He envied the Commander her cabin. 

The gentle hum of the ship surrounded him, drilled into his mind. He tried not to think of the Commander, she would be in her cabin now. Free to turn, move, whatever she wanted. Inevitably his mind went further than it should.

The way she looked when she came to speak to him. Her eyes and body showed interest but her words were always clipped, hard. Somehow he’d told her more about him than most of his friends, and still she wanted more. She wasn’t scared, not that he could tell. He didn’t know if she was like this with all the crew.

He had his suspicions, especially since Liara came aboard.

And great, now he was thinking of Shepard AND Liara, at the same time. Groaning, he gave up on the idea of sleep, and decided to go have a cold shower.

His brain was not helping. The idea that he should accost his Commanding Officer, no matter how attractive she was, how long her legs, how pert her tits...shaking his head he stumbled out of his pod and grabbed a pair of pants.

 

************************

By somewhat divine providence, both reached the midpoint of the crew deck at the same time.

She wore only a short robe.

He wore only trousers.

She found all thoughts left her mind at the sight of his lightly muscled chest, the toned arms, the tapered waist with its attendant dusting of black hair diving down...towards...she forced herself to look up. Her throat was dry. She couldn’t speak. Weakly she smiled, hoping it came out natural and not a grimace of pain. Pain was what she felt. Pain that she wasn’t right now, in those arms, pushed against that chest, stroking that hair…

He found all thoughts left him except one. Her eyes flicked to the one thing that was doing any thinking, strikingly obvious as he took in her disheveled hair, the robe hardly sufficient to cover her chest, the dark skin begging him to taste it. His eyes travelled down, seeing the curve of her ass just below the hem of the robe, leading him down to legs that seemed to go on forever.

A groan, feral and loud, ripped from his throat as he stepped towards her. Shepard stood, trembling, like a deer caught in the headlights. Her hands were raised, slightly, as though she wanted to grasp something. Her breath was coming in shorter and shorter pants, in and out through her nose as she struggled to control herself. The middle of the crew deck was certainly not the place.

Part of her mind, quite rationally, argued to lead him to her cabin. The other part, wanted to push him on the table and have him every which way she could.

“Commander!”

“Damn it Joker, now is really not the time!”

“Er, well, whatever, we’re inbound to Feros. Five hours. Thought you ought to know seeing as how your omni’s showing your still up.”

The moment lost, she shook her head ruefully.

“Copy that Joker.” Moving over to her locker, she pulled out a small bottle and emptied several pills into her hand.

Strolling back, fully in control again, she pressed two of the pills into his hand.

“Something to help you sleep Lieutenant. I’ll want you on my six down there.”

Showing his trademark smirk, Kaidan dry swallowed the sedatives “Best place to be Commander.”

********************************


	2. This is my rifle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team descends on Feros, Garrus and the Commander engage in some casual betting and Kaidan gets an eyeful. 
> 
> **** drug use ****
> 
> ****************

The harsh noise of the AM bell permeated her consciousness as she cursed and groped for the stims she’d left on the table the night before. Finding a glass of somewhat stale water, she gulped down the cocktail of tablets; only the best for the military she thought as she rinsed the disgusting taste away. 

She’d only been awake five minutes and was already in a foul mood; the sedatives had left her with a predictable headache, worse than a hangover and without any good times to justify it. Checking the chrono, she was shocked to see she’d lost a good 15 minutes; she should be dressed and in the bay by now! 

Forgoing actual clothing, she shambled into the lift in tank top and shorts, her muddled brain thinking she would save time by just getting straight into her suit in the bay, and hell, wasn’t like they hadn’t all seen each other in uncompromising positions before. Life in the military had a habit of stripping away the finer things. 

By the time she’d suited up, she’d come around, the drugs permeating her, bolstering her with energy. Looking around, she saw Garrus and Kaidan go through a similar awakening. You could see the change as brain processes sped up, nerve and muscle fibres working at heightened capacity, a perfect fighting machine. It manifested in a slight straightening of the spine, pupil dilation, increased pulse and respiration. 

Kaidan looked at the Commander appreciatively. She’d appeared in a tank and shorts, normal shipboard attire for the sleep cycle, not so much for general activity. She must have judged the extra time getting properly dressed just for the elevator ride too much hassle. He caught her eye, pupils blown wide as he saw everything in sharp relief; her hair braided and tied, halos of light shining in the black tresses, so black it was blue, he wondered what it looked like free, in zero-gee. Would it float like a dark nebula around her as he plunged his hands deep as he pulled…

“You might want to pick up your chin off the floor lieutenant, I’m pretty sure she can see you.”

The Turian dug a sharp elbow into his side as he shamelessly oggled her, reining himself in with effort he finished gearing up, sneaking glances at her whenever he could. He’d had plenty of women, never had to try hard to charm his way into bed, never had qualms about leaving in the morning either come to think of it, but Shepard, well, she was something else. She took all his charm and turned it around, she was all he could think about, all he wanted each night in his godforsaken pod as he waited for sleep to claim him. 

He checked his belt. Medi-gel, extra stims, he even grabbed a pack of carb-gel from the locker and looked at it with disgust. He hated the syrupy sweet gel, but it was the best thing to replenish him after heavy biotic use. Several companies had gone head to head to try and actually make the flavour appetising, but as this was military grade, it was plain, and therefore extra disgusting. 

“Come on, it’s not going to kill you!” Shepard had approached while he’d been drawn into contemplation.

“Shows what you know, Commander, at least you don’t have to eat the stuff.” Clipping on the pouch he moved to complete the final checks on her armor, slapping her on the arm and turning so she could check him in turn. 

Shepard held still as she felt him running his hands over the seals on her armor. It was surprisingly arousing, feeling him so close, especially after what had almost happened last night. After he’d finished with her, she checked him over, fixing a loose shoulder plate she gave him a thumbs up and they headed for the weapons racks. Each crew member had an individual locker, and woe betide any who trespassed. A marines weapon was their life. With careful reverence she lifted her rifle from its case and checked the mods. She flicked a speck of imagined dust from the stock, frowning. Dust was not allowed! She saw a similar ritual on her left as Garrus lifted his custom piece and held it against his cheek, eyes closed as he recited a low verse under his breath. She’d never asked him, and he’d never asked her. The sniper held to no one's code but their own, a universal truth that had transcended species. 

After a silent debate, she picked up her Stiletto. It had been a lucky find, far outsripping the Raiku she’d originally been issued with. Kaidan had his usual Lancer and a new pistol, she hadn’t had a chance to check it out in combat yet but he’d been enthusiastic about it’s specifications. A few grenades and they were ready to go. Trooping back through the CIC to the forward airlock she felt his eyes on her more than once.

“Enjoying the view Lieutenant?” 

******************************

They hadn’t been able to raise the colony. That fact alone caused her to exit the Normandy with exaggerated caution. Looking around, she spotted a man waving at them. Civilian, was her first thought, odd was her second. Moving quickly, she kept behind cover as he directed her onwards to some guy named Fai Dan. She was just about to step out when he exploded into fragments, the geth rocket disintegrating him from the waist up. 

“God fucking damn it!” She shouldn't have been surprised, not really, but the Geth were annoyingly difficult to detect by any means other than sight and the fact they were so near to her ship was unnerving.

“Take them out! Kaidan, keep them away from us, Garrus, I’m keeping score; first to ten buys drinks!” 

Leaning out of cover, she popped a few shots while she mapped the field, took a deep breath and sighted on a trooper, her finger hovering over the trigger and...watched as its lens disintegrated... 

“One!” 

“Laugh it up Vakarian, you’re going down!” 

For all their posturing, they worked well as a team, seamlessly taking cover as the other reloaded, Kaidan keeping steady pressure with Throws and his Lancer. He kept an eye on her as she fought, making sure nothing came close but mostly just admiring the way she moved. She was graceful, lithe and quick as she sighted and shot with minimum effort, switching to her pistol when the synths came into range. 

The fight was easier than she’d expected, culminating in the last geth, a lumbering destroyer, being simultaneously Thrown and shot in the head by both her and Garrus, the rounds too close to tell who’d taken the winning shot. 

“Call it a draw?”

***************************


	3. A sea of honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team deal with Zhu's Hope and Skyway, and Kaidan lets go. 
> 
> *************************

The feeling of oddness persisted as they moved through the outpost, Zhu’s Hope, she heard it called. Whoever Zhu was, he’d been wrong to hope, she thought, even without the depredations of the geth, this colony had little to recommend it. The atmosphere was dim, blast force winds throwing corrosive dust and sand against the lower reaches of the towers. It could be felt, through your boots and up into your spine; a humming, whining screech that set the teeth on edge. Shepard could see the tight set of Kaidans jaw, knew he was already feeling the subsonics from the wind in his ‘port, winding its way into his brain, building the pressure that would release in a migraine sooner rather than later. 

“Do you need a minute?” 

A shake of the head was the only answer she got as he resolutely moved onwards. They’d cleared the tower already after speaking to Fai Dan. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, there was something about the colonists, a slight hesitation, an unconscious censoring? Given ExoGeni, she wouldn’t be surprised if they’d had some sort of compulsion rigged to stop them leaking trade secrets. Several had expressed concern over the continued viability of the colony, she was half tempted to give them all a free ride back to the Citadel but was hesitant of abusing her still tenuous spectre status. The Council would probably not be happy with a bunch of refugees, human ones at that, turning up on their station. 

Deciding that getting in the good graces of the colonists was important, despite Garrus’s snorts of disapproval, they moved on to the tunnels; dark, cramped, stinking and fetid, she didn’t think she could take any more until the way opened up, a vast hall crisscrossed with walkways. She didn’t even mind the geth she was so thankful to be out of the dark. 

Kaidan held onto the brittle edge with a will of steel. He kept his eyes forwards, on her, watching her back tense as they descended into the dark. His mind was fraying, the pain building already and he’d not even used a tenth of his power yet. He knew he needed the gel but he’d only brought the one pack, and he knew they’d be worse off soon. Pushing the pain away he counted the steps they took, watched the steady rise and fall of the Commanders legs, the number of times her gloves gripped convulsively on the rifle in her hands. It puzzled him. As soon as they’d emerged from the tunnel, she’d straightened, shaking off the tension like it had been a physical weight about her neck. 

Making a mental note to ask when they got back to the Normandy, he was brought back by her barked orders as she spotted more geth through her scope. 

“Shoot em up boys, not one gets out of here alive. Well, functioning anyway.”

With that, the gun blazed in her hands, shredder rounds making quick work of all but the hardiest. He reached out with a barrier, while Garrus pummelled into the remainder with concussive rounds. 

They found a man cowering at the end of the accessible sections, the words tumbling out of his mouth without apparent order, Kaidan was just as confused as the others as the man ranted and laughed, cried and swore. Shepard left him where he was, hopefully they’d eliminated most of the geth in this sector, plus he’d been alone for sometime without them noticing him so she figured someone from the colony could come get him later. 

Backtracking, they located the Varren and power cells and were approaching the last door when Garrus gave a shout. He’d been on point but came hurrying back, his gun raised as he glanced around.

“Synths are in there Commander, no way to tell how many, my scanners shot to shit.” 

Shepard looked at the doorway, there was no cover except the slight protection of the door frame. 

“Right. Garrus. You got our backs. Drop behind, take as many as you can. Kaidan, ahead with me, there’s just enough room to cover your ass by the door. We take it slow, watch your targets. No fuck ups.”

“Yes ma’am.” the chorus came back, it gratified her, both were experienced veterans, and to have them agree with her orders made her possibly think she was worthy of this Spectre shit. 

“Lets dance.”

************************

She couldn’t think why there were Krogan here, on Feros, a human colony. Last time she checked, ExoGeni didn’t make a habit of protecting their sensitive facilities with mercenaries, especially not when said Krogan appeared to be working fist in servo-motor with geth. Come to think of it, there had been that Krogan when they’d picked up Liara too... 

“Fuck it, add it to the list of ‘shit we don’t know’. We need to get across to the main facility. Take five and then we’re gone.” 

She eyed Kaidan meaningfully and gestured to the pack on his belt. 

“You good there Kaidan?” 

Taking the hint, he made a sour face and gulped down the carb-gel. She laughed at the expression on his face, mouth working as he tried to swallow the gelatinous horror. She laughed harder as he gave her an injured look and threw him another pack that she’d been keeping back for him. 

“There you go, don’t say I never give you anything Lieutenant.” 

Swallowing thickly, he managed a smirk, it was a pale imitation but still it sat well on his face

“I can think of better things you could give me…”

Job done, he got to his feet and ambled over to Garrus, leaving her blushing. Blushing! She really needed to get back in the game. Commander Alia Shepard, First Human Spectre, Sole Survivor of Akuze, did not blush like some moonstruck teenager crushing on a teacher! 

Oh but what a picture he’d put in her mind…

***********************

The skyway was a nightmare. They’d reported back to Fai Dan and the other colonists and moved on to the garage. The Mako was slow, and couldn’t shoot for shit, the rockets normally sailing right over the heads of the forces ahead. More than once Garrus had to utilize the thrusters against the wind that threatened to blow them off the bloody bridge, never mind about the armatures and rocket troopers that attempted, en masse, to destroy them. 

Shepard and Kaidan held tight to the straps in the back, buffeted and jostled against each other as the Turian pulled moves the Mako was never designed to make. A particularly loud crash, accompanied by a shudder had Shepard on her feet, closely followed by Kaidan as the vehicle came to a screeching halt. 

“Status!”

“Direct hit, Commander, guidance systems fritzed, there's a big armature up ahead, we’re in cover for now and we can repair the drive system but the guns going to need manual targeting.”

“On it. Get us moving again, I do not want to be flanked by those fuckers.”

Having limped their way with a half functioning gun to a structure on the skyway, they encountered a sizable group of ExoGeni employees, most of whom seemed destined to get under her skin. The only one with any sense, Baynham, helped them repair some of the missile guidance systems as she gave them information on the facility ahead. Turned out her daughter was in there when the geth hit, and instead of supporting her, that shit of a company man Jeong was more interested that they didn’t read any terminals while they were over there. 

Shepard made a mental note to read every scrap of documentation she could find. And then sell it to Hossle. And report anything of note to Alliance brass. 

************************

Kaidan would have put a bullet in Lizbeth Baynham, had it not been for her obvious terror and quite frankly crap aim. As it was he felt his biotics flaring without his control, itching to send out a barrier to protect Shepard. She’d given him a nod, thanks? As if she appreciated the thought? He couldn’t tell. She had her Commander face on, he knew she wasn’t satisfied with the womans explanation, hell, neither was he, there was something big here, too big to be messing around with half truths and evasions. 

Shepard pocketed her ID, and they pushed forwards while Lizbeth went back into whatever hole she’d been huddled in . On his left he could see Shepard tensing again, he watched her pull a sip from her canteen and swallow some more stims. They’d been planetside for a few hours now, long enough to be getting fatigued but she shouldn’t have needed more stims for another couple of hours. 

“There a problem marine?” 

“Uh, no ma’am-”

A gibbering screech cut off the rest as a pack of Varren scrabbled through the rubble on all sides. Garrus went down under three of the beasts whilst Shepard was pressed back against a wall. He could feel one at his back and the others were circling around their packmates, waiting for an opening. 

“Kaidan!” He saw her drop to one knee, slamming her pistol into the mouth of the Varran that had taken a chunk of her leg she blew the back of its head off, but the others could smell the blood now and broke off to advance on her. 

He could feel his mind roll with power, it came from a deep place, a well within that he had never fully explored. Unlocking the door he pushed out with all of his strength, flinging the Varren up into the air, all of them, as he screamed in defiance. 

Shepard caught him as he fell, the light of his eyes dimming from blazing cerulean back to whisky and honey so sweet she could drown in them. She gripped him tight as he slipped under, his name on her lips the last thing he heard before darkness took hold 

“Kaidan…”

******************************


	4. Beyond the Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of tension goes a long way. Garrus doesn't understand human behaviours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you for everyone who has taken the time to read this so far, and to those who have left kudos/subscribed, I salute you :)

They stayed where they were for the better part of an hour, waiting for Kaidan to wake up. His vitals were strong, never wavering. He was just absent. Garrus walked a tight perimeter as Shepard stayed by his side. She’d only ever known a few biotics, all of them L3 class, never an L2. She felt useless, the comms back to the Normandy were malfunctioning and Garrus had about as much clue with biotics as she did. The only thing keeping her relatively calm was the steady blip of his heart keeping time. 

She’d patched her leg, just a flesh wound anyway, nothing that a bit of medi-gel couldn’t heal over within 20 minutes or so...if she’d just kept quiet, not called for him...she shook her head bitterly and then stilled as his hands twitched in the dirt by her leg. 

“Kaidan?” No response yet, she tried again, louder this time “Lieutenant?” A flutter of eyelashes...

“Shep-” He broke off with a groan and closed his eyes at the pain pounding in his head. 

Wordlessly she patted his belt until she found his stim pouch. As well as specific amphetamines, beta-blockers and erythropoietin, the stims also carried a powerful painkilling agents for use after an injury. Each active drug in the mix only targeted if required, depending on the users biofeedback. She gave him her own canteen and helped him sit up enough to swallow. 

He felt like he’d been kicked in the head. By a horse. Or possibly a Kakliosaur. Once the meds were down, he waited impatiently for them to kick in. He could tell they’d been there a while, his legs were shooting pins and needles at him each time he shifted and he knew Shepard would be anxious to get moving. 

Another few minutes and the pain began to dull significantly. It was still present, but he’d suffered much worse and worked through it. Standing, he tested his weapons and armour, glad to see nothing had been damaged by his...exuberance? 

“Shepard, what did I do?”

“What, apart from nearly give me a heart attack?”

He gave her the look. One eyebrow raised, mouth quirking, it never failed to make her snort with laughter. Grinning, she smirked back, heart lifted to see him recovered so quickly. 

“well...you remember that old earth expression, when pigs fly?”

“Commander, I fail to see what meaning flying porcines can have in this situation. Kaidan, you lifted seven Varren, and sent them, well, you can probably see the bits through Shepards scope. I wouldn’t call it flying. More...exploding.” 

Trust Garrus she thought. 

****************************

They finally got on their way after Kaidan had assured them he was good to go. Although she didn’t seem too happy, she’d acquiesced, eager to get the dust of this god forsaken place off her boots at best guess. Just like he did.

Another krogan, more geth and one very specific VI later (which had caused more swearing from Shepard than he had yet heard), they located a strange light source, directly under one of the dropships claws. There had been a few geth there, seemingly powered down, but they had appeared to be kneeling. Garrus had took a quick clip on his omni of the phenomenon, intending to run it past a few of his old C-Sec contacts when they got back to the Citadel, maybe even pass it to the few Quarians he knew. 

Shepard was at a loss. They needed to get the dropship off the tower to get the power back on and get the barrier down, but nothing short of a cannon would shatter the meters thick anchors. Carefully circumventing the light, they found yet more krogan and geth, clearing them out Kaidan spotted a terminal chock full of data, Hossles work. He downloaded it to his omni-tool and gave a thumbs up. Backtracking, they headed straight up the stairs and paused, huds glitching and spiking readings every which way. More geth. 

The fight seemed endless. The destroyer was huge, she lost count of how many thermal clips they’d spent trying to take it down. She’d taken out all the others, leaving Kaidan and Garrus to concentrate fire on the big target. She could tell it was ready to give up the ghost, it joints were flashing and popping sparks. Garrus must have thought so too as he advanced with his assault rifle 

“Garr-!”

The destroyer charged, battering the Turian relentlessly as he stabbed at it repeatedly with his omni-blade. Shepard deftly dodged the flailing machine and brought her pistol to bear, blasting out its torch from point blank range. Panting, Garrus nodded his thanks as he flooded his suit with medi-gel. 

“Nothing broken Shepard, at least I don’t think so.”

“Kaidan, check him over while I see what they were doing here. And Garrus, if you do anything so stupid again, you’ll be back to C-Sec I swear it.”

As she strode to the other side of the room, Kaidan heard Garrus muttering softly, guessing the Turian was a bit embarrassed, and more than a bit angry at the threat.

“She was just worried about you Garrus, you do have a tendency to leap in sometimes, not a good strategy with these things.” 

“And what about you with those Varren then? I didn’t notice her giving you a dressing down.”

“Trust me, she’s gonna just tell the doc. I am royally screwed my friend.” 

“Over here.” 

Shepard motioned them towards a large terminal. It looked like a pressure control system. Looking around she pointed out the closest claw protruding through the bay door. 

“I can work with this” she grinned, fingers flying over the console as she ramped up the pressure until the door slammed shut with a scream of metal and a satisfying crunch as the dropship tore away from the tower. 

They saw the power fields fail an instant before Jokers frantic hails became audible.

“Lets go gentlemen, double time!”

*************************

Picking up Lizbeth with a few choice words, they headed back to the Mako, wondering how many geth had been dropped since their last run through. If Joker was to be believed, a whole army was waiting for them. At least. 

“You’ve known Joker some time right? Is he always this dramatic?”

A brief laugh escaped Kaidan. 

“Believe it or not, he actually tones it down for you Commander, you should ask him some of his stories from flight school…”

Lowering her voice, she let Garrus and Lizbeth head out front. “I’d rather hear your stories... Lieutenant…”

He covered it well, but he was sure she saw the flash of panic on his face before he mastered it 

“Is that an order...Commander?”

The sound of his voice, low and heated, it did things to her. God she wanted him now, never mind the geth or the Thorian or whatever the colonists were throwing at the Normandy, she wanted this man, on her, in her, commanding her. She suppressed the shivers his voice had awoken and swallowed in her suddenly dry throat.

“Only if you want it to be…”

The breath flew from his lungs as his mind rapidly started supplying him with pictures; he’d seen her a few times in her under armour now and it left little to the imagination, the curves and dips hugged faithfully by the thin material; imagined her pushing him against the wall in the cargo bay…

He felt his biotics start to flare as he reached for her uncaring of the armour they wore, or the imminent attack, there was only her, glorious and fierce, blue eyes blazing with need, dark olive skin barely marking with a blush as she leaned into him and he groaned. 

She could feel his urgency as though it were her own, they burned with it, his eyes were totally blue, the familiar colour washed away by the dark energy swirling around them, she could feel it sliding inside her armour, a tingling caress that was sure to drive her insane if she let it. 

A sudden shout up ahead brought them back to reality with a cruel thump. 

Damn the woman, he really should have shot her! Dampening his field he stepped back, his face already red as he rubbed at the back of his neck. Sneaking a look at Shepard, he could see her eyes were wide, her amour heaving as she tried to bring her body back under some sort of control. 

He could see the effort she was expending when she took a deep breath before speaking 

“Lets get this job done and get back aboard.”

This was why there were regs, she thought, they’d left themselves wide open! She knew she was fast, and Kaidans biotics were strong, but they would have been meat on the hoof if a geth had spotted them so distracted! 

Resolving to take a cold shower the minute she got back to the Normandy, she left Kaidan behind to take drogue and headed up to Garrus and Lizbeth. 

“What was that? Why were his barriers activating?! Are there geth behind us?!” 

The girl was panicking something fierce she realised, glad she hadn’t read more into what she’d seen. Garrus on the other hand was staring at her in open amusement.

“It’s alright, the Lieutenant was probably just checking his power levels. Does it all the time.” 

Placated, she accepted the Turians quick explanation and hurried towards the Mako. 

“You know Commander, tension can be a good thing, in the right amount. But that, well, I’m no expert in human behaviours, but I think you better work something out quickly, hmm?”

As they piled in the vehicle, she gave both men a glare and took the wheel. Garrus got on the gun, which was still misfiring, while Kaidan monitored systems and their tagalong. The garage door opened to rockets and siege pulses. In no mood for an extended fight, Shepard simply floored the Mako, barrelling into the geth at high speed, knocking them off the skyway or smashing them against rocks. Garrus got a few shots in but the synths were soon smoking piles of circuits. Unfortunately, the Mako wasn’t much better. Kaidan got the onboard repair drones started and managed to patch the hull a little, but the steering was off, and the smell of burning plastic had them gagging. 

They managed to reach the weigh station with little trouble although Lizbeth looked like she never wanted to set foot in a Mako again, or maybe just if Shepard was present. They slowed to negotiate the ramps and a static filled transmission came through the comm. 

“Thats my Mom! Stop! Stop! Pull over!” Without a moments hesitation Lizbeth flung herself out of the Mako and down the ramp. 

“Fuck!” sprinting after her they found a highly agitated Jeong attempting to order a purge on the colony and waving his pistol around. Diffusing the situation took some doing, but eventually he backed down and surrendered his weapon. Putting their heads together, the Baynhams came up with a plan to incapacitate the infected colonists. Flinging around grenades full of nerve gas didn’t seem the safest way to go to any of them but time was getting short and they were running out of options. 

Finally they were on the approach to Zhu’s Hope, the last leg before they could get off this forsaken rock at the ass end of the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I'm not going to be doing any more blow by blow missions like this, I'm not really happy how its turned out and it's just way too long with little in the way of original content. I'll finally deal with the Thorian in the next chapter and then we'll be having some more tension, hopefully third times the charm!


	5. To the Sons of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Thorian is dispatched. Garrus doesn't do squishy.
> 
> *************************

“Incapacitation only. Are we clear?”

She was worried. They only had a limited number of grenades, with little chance of acquiring more, and the small store of nerve gas they’d fabricated meant they only had one shot to get this right. Unholstering their weapons, they cautiously entered the garage.

“What the fuck is that?!”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be human...can it?”

The creature ran at them, a stream of...something...trailing behind it. She was regretting the choice to leave helmets behind. The stink of the thing was incredible, it choked the air from her lungs as it neared, mindless and feral, brandishing bloodstained claws. She shot it in the face, sending a spray of pus spattering in all directions.

“Careful Shepard, I don’t think that will wash out…”

“Noted Vakarian.”

Smart ass.

***********************

They’d taken down all the colonists they could find, running out of grenades, they’d resorted to melee combat, taking down the last few with precision strikes to temples and jaws. Working quickly, they revealed the entrance to the sub levels by moving the hulk of the freighter. A noise caused Shepard to whirl, levelling her gun she pulled up at the last moment as she saw Fai Dan stumble towards them.

“I tried to fight it...but it gets in your head...you can’t imagine the pain...I was supposed to be their leader...these people trusted me...it wants me to...stop you...but I...won’t...I WON’T!”

Shepard could only jerk forwards in horror as the clip discharged, and the man slumped to the floor in a pool of blood.

“Lets finish this.”

**********************

She hated them. The...creepers. Screeching and shambling then _running_...they were easy to kill but difficult to target, all random jerking and there were _so many_...Down here, in the dark, they waited, curled into themselves in the black pit the Thorian called home.

It was Kaidan who spotted the nodes, Kaiden who tucked extra heat sinks in her belt, Kaiden who grasped her elbow and told her to _just breathe_. Nodding gratefully, not trusting her voice, she closed her eyes, willing the Commander facade to descend once more. Her hands twitched towards her belt, but no, it was too soon. She needed to be careful.

Eventually, the dark receded and the Thorian was gone, plunged into the abyss it had created over the aeons of controlling its tunnelling minions. She found it difficult to comprehend how old the creature was. How much it had seen, years upon years of existence, bound to one place, sat like a spider in its web. The opening pod had them back on alert in a heartbeat, the Asari falling out of it looking vaguely familiar. With a rush they understood; this was the template for the clones they had seen. Shiala. She offered Shepard the knowledge of the Thorian. Kaidan and Garrus exchanged a glance, they both knew of her intense nightmares following the invasion by the beacon on Eden Prime; there wasn’t a person on the Normandy that hadn't heard the screams coming from her cabin at some point or another.

“Shepard, is this a good idea? Surely there’s another way…” Even as he spoke, Kaidan knew it was pointless. The Commander was all too willing to take the responsibility, and the unknowns, on her own head. To his credit, Garrus hadn’t even tried to dissuade her. He watched in resignation as the Asari grasped Shepards face and they lost themselves in ‘eternity’. Damned Asari.

************************

Kaidan hauled her to her feet after the meld. She’d fallen to her knees, retching and shaking as the images burned into her mind. Leaving Shiala behind, he led Shepard back up to the light. Back to the Normandy. Back to her home.

************************

Emerging from the sub levels, Shepard blinked as the colonists gathered, a gentle whispering sounding through them like a breeze. She could see the gratitude on their faces, a release of tension causing smiles and touches between them. Looking down, she could see the blood on her, the fluids from the creepers and geth.

“Kaidan...please get me home.” She couldn't stand to see their faces anymore, so happy, so thankful for her intervention. But with what she saw in her mind, she wasn't sure if would have been kinder to let them die. He gently helped her back to the Normandy, frowning the whole way. This wasn't Shepard. The weakness he saw was abnormal, the way her body slumped against him, dependent on his guidance...it wasn't right.

“Shepard, come on, fight it! You're stronger than this!” He punctuated his words with small shakes as Garrus opened the airlock hatch. Pulling her into decon, they waited whilst the cycle ran through. The flat voice of the Normandy VI roused her somewhat when it made a pronouncement

“Warning. Foreign substances detected. Level four decontamination required. Shore party, please deposit all clothing and weapons in the waiting receptacles.”

Moving on autopilot, Shepard began to strip down without any thought for Kaidan and Garrus, both of whom were now feeling decidedly uncomfortable, though for very different reasons.

“Spirits, Shepard, you could of waited until I turned around or something...doesn't this decon unit have partitions?”

Brows quirked, she looked askance at him, pausing in her undressing in just her under armour.

“Are you saying you find me disgusting to look upon?”

“What?! No! Of course not Shepard...it’s just that...how do I say it without you kicking me...I can certainly appreciate your...er physique...but…you’re...sort of squishy?”

He trailed off as he saw Kaidan having difficulty breathing from the spluttering noises escaping him. Eventually he managed to calm enough to speak

“Trust me, Garrus, human women? You don’t know what you’re missing…” He set his heated gaze on her, she felt it the minute he turned his eyes on her. This. This was mattered. Not the memories of a long dead race. This. Life and laughter, attraction and joy. Catapulted out of her own mind she grinned at Kaidan and began to work on her under armour as Garrus span around to face the wall.

“Well lieutenant? Do you think I'm squishy?”

“SHEPARD!” As soon as the decon cycle had completed and three disposable ship suits had been donned, Garrus sprinted out of the airlock to the sounds of Kaidan and Alias laughter ringing down the ship.

“Come on lieutenant, debrief, food, then as much alcohol as we can confiscate from the crew.”

“I think the medbay would be a good stop.”

“No! I’m fine, honestly.” She tried not to show how much it spooked her, but she hated the medbay. The smells and sounds of the place filled her with an unconscious loathing, not to mention a heavy dose of fear. After Eden Prime, she’d wanted to get out as soon as she awoke but Chakwas had kept her in for further testing until she thought she would run mad.

“It’s ok, I was just going to suggest we raid the docs freezer cabinet, that’s all.” He spoke easily, hoping to calm her. Damn it, he’d known how much she’d hated being in there the last time, she almost never went in the medbay unless Chakwas had specifically asked for her, or if she needed to see Liara, and even then she never lingered.

“Tell you what, you go round up for the debrief, I’ll sweet talk the good doctor, and I’ll meet you in the comm room in ten. Sound like a plan?”

“Sweet talk hey? That how you get all those good meds Kaidan? You got something going on with Chakwas?” Walking away, she shot a look back over her shoulder, the fire in her eyes going straight down his body....

“I’ll just have to give you something better…”

************************

Another meld later and Shepard had lost all thought of food or drink. The darkness was all around as she sat in the observation lounge, watching the stars fly past as they headed back to Citadel to resupply. Liara had gone to lie down, after making some totally unnecessary comments about the state of Shepards mind and everyone else had drifted away, unwilling to stay near the brooding Commander. Kaidan found some rations, not what he should be taking her, they tasted like cardboard, but at this point he was simply interested in getting calories down her after the long mission, never mind the stress of two melds in one day.

“Okay, looks like we have soylent brown, or soylent green. You get first pick.” The face that turned to him was the same she’d had as they entered the Normandy.Time for distraction then.

“You know...I had an ulterior motive for bringing you food. Well, the semblance of food anyways.”

No change.

“I wanted to know if you really are squishy.”

Blankness giving way to incredulity, then anger.

Shit.

“Joke Shepard? Here, have the brown, if you close your eyes and wish it almost tastes like chocolate.” He threw her the packets, noting with pride that her hand whipped out to catch them even in her distraction. He started nibbling the corner of his bar; it tasted of grass.

“You know, soylent green is people, right?”

_That's my girl_ he smirked and floated his surprise over to her. A full bottle of whiskey, liberated from Chakwas for ‘medicinal purposes’. She’d been glad to give it over. He could only hope she’d still be glad when Shepard told him about his biotic display down on Feros.

***********************


	6. A Very Delicate Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please lovely readers, heed the warning, this chapter gets dark.   
> Triggers for abuse/underage/trafficking 
> 
> ****************************

 

 

The bottle had disappeared under the sofa, empty glasses on the table testament to the days events. Kaidan was exhausted but determined; he would not leave her alone to face the darkness tonight. The ration bars were long gone, the alcohol swirling through them like a fire, leaving them boneless and slumped.

 

Shepard managed to inch herself upwards, moving slowly so the room didn’t spin too much. Her body felt disconnected, she watched as her arms and legs negotiated the distance from the chair to the sofa, avoided the tangle of limbs that was Kaidans sprawled form and then had the nerve to dump her unceremoniously in a heap on his lap.

 

Making the most of it, she settled down, poking his legs until he shifted to make her comfortable.

 

“mmm better, that chair’s damned uncomfortable…” Humming softly she idly began to stroke his legs where they enclosed her and let her mind wander.

 

Kaidan rarely drank. The combination of meds he normally had to endure for his migraines didn’t react well to excess alcohol and it had earned him, unfairly, a reputation as a bore from some of his previous teams. Tonight he’d had several, enough to take off the edge, enough that he was almost asleep before Shepard literally dropped in his lap. A grunt escaped him as she dug her fingers into his thighs. Taking the hint, he scooted up and she fell back against him and began to hum, her eyes falling closed as her hands ghosted up and down his legs.

 

Relaxed he contemplated his position. On the one hand, he was _very_ attracted to Shepard. On the other, she was still his commanding officer, and he thought they were well on the way to being fast friends too. He’d never taken the time to get to know any of his partners after BAaT, they came and went, he had his fun and it was done. Shepard though...he didn’t know if he could get so close to someone again to lose them when he showed his true face...lost in his memories of another time, another love, he didn’t realise at first that her hands were more insistent now, drifting upwards…

 

A hiss of breath rewarded her, she thought he’d fallen asleep for sure! She twisted and looked up through long dark lashes, the very picture of innocence if it wasn’t for her hands slowly exploring his body. She’d thought about this for weeks. Her mind had provided an extrapolation of what he might feel like, how his breath might quicken and his heart pulse faster, but the reality was far more satisfying than her imagination could conjure. The muscles under her hands were hard and unyielding, defined without being bulky. His body was hot, a common case among biotics but a welcome surprise nonetheless. Leaning closer she caught his scent, a faint tang of ozone overlaid by the spicy sweetness of his cologne. She watched his chest hitch and felt pride that she was affecting him so, her fingers lightly tracing the growing swelling of him through the thin shipsuit.

 

She didn’t care, now; the questions of regulations were gone, all that she knew was she was willing to take the chance, to open herself to him like she’d never done before, as a lover, as a partner, as a friend.

 

“Shepard…”

 

The tone of his voice was off, she looked up sharply, worried she’d crossed a line

 

“If you don’t want this…”

 

It hurt for her to say it, to think about the possibility he didn’t want her in return, that it had all been flirting, or worse, a way to try and earn a favorable report to brass.

 

He grabbed her hand, groaning slightly as he pressed her against him

 

“I think you can feel exactly how much I want this...but...I don’t want to hurt you...Alia…”

 

The way he said her name, it was reverent, caressing, nothing like the men she’d used and discarded, gods! What was she thinking? She couldn’t have him, he was too good for her, too nice, clean cut and sparkling. A family that loved him. He deserved a nice girl, one who’d rub his migraines away and give him rosy cheeked children with warm brown eyes.

 

What could she offer him, except a quick ride then more pain? She was under no illusions, Spectres were not notable for meeting a natural demise at the end of a long, fulfilled life. Few had any family, most lived lonely lives in service to a greater good. Why had she thought she could be different? Because she was the first human Spectre? Or because she wanted it so much?

 

The alcohol made her clumsy as she retreated, her legs caught and she fell hard against the table, useless tears pooling stupidly in her eyes. Angry now, she pushed away to stand, only slightly swaying as she turned to stare at the endless black beyond the window.

 

“I apologise, lieutenant, if I have been out of line. You may file a report against my behaviour with no fear of reprisal once we dock at Citadel. If you wish...to transfer...I will put a recommendation to Admiral Hackett directly.”

 

He could see her trembling, his heart reached for her without thought. He’d already hurt her hadn’t he? He’d never been good with words, clumsy and inept, like trying to play a melody with a broken instrument.

 

“No, you don’t understand, I’m, I’m not good for you, I’ll hurt you, I don’t think I could stand that. Not you.” It’s better this way, he told himself, better this small pain now, than a greater one later.

 

If he kept repeating it, maybe he’d believe that.

 

*************************

 

She fled. Fled back to her cabin alone, the chaos in her mind echoing as she tried to decipher deeper meanings to his words and actions.

 

She was a fool. When had she ever looked on a man and thought of feelings? They were just there to be used, to play with when she was bored. She’d taken all that her early years had to throw at her and turned it back upon them...no, not going there, don’t need to remember, just don’t forget…

 

Alia Shepard fell into troubled sleep, and dreamed…

 

_Dark. Cloth covering her face. Each ragged inhalation draws the material into her mouth._

_Sounds of flesh, moving. The smell of fear as each girl is stripped and hosed._

_There is no light here. Even when the sack is removed and the lights blink on, it is still dark._

_She can’t see them, the ones who wait, the colony Fathers, returned to earth._

 

_Returned to buy. Returned to replenish what they have discarded so many times before._

_She’s prodded forwards. A life of deprivation has left her scant and small for her age. The Fathers don’t care; they aren’t expected to last…._

 

************************

 

Kaidan stood by her door, his head resting on the cold metal, wishing he could take back his words, that he could kiss them all away and show her how he felt without his tongue tripping him.

 

His body seized as he heard her, the soft whimpers and cries somehow more terrifying than the full throated screams they were used to hearing. She sounded frightened beyond measure.

 

Using his override permissions, he flung himself into the room, ready to wake her, to comfort her in her nightmare, when she bolted to her feet then inexplicably dropped to her knees before him as the light streamed through from the CIC

 

“Forgive me, my Father, I’ll be good, your good girl...please…”

 

What the hell? She was still asleep, must be, he tried to shake her awake and stopped as she curled into a ball and wept

 

“Shepard, _Alia_ , it’s me, it’s Kaidan, please, wake up baby, it’s just a dream, just a dream, I swear it, I’ll never hurt you…I _couldn’t_ hurt you...”

 

And in that moment, he felt right, his heart leaping as he recognised the truth of his words, hurting her would destroy him entirely, and his only wish was to keep her safe.

 

“K..kaidan?”

 

“Shhh, I’m here, you’re safe now, safe.”

 

He enfolded her in his arms and she tensed, for just a moment, then melted as the sobs wracked her frame and he wordlessly rocked her back and forth, stroking her silken hair.

 

*************************

 

 


	7. Even Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again lovely people, same themes as previous.

She doesn’t know how long they sit there, bodies swaying, caught in the half light spilling from the main deck.

She feels raw. A beaten wound, open and bleeding. But that's just her heart. She shouldn’t have let him see this. It’s private. Her own.

The pain and anger harnessed deep inside the only reason she keeps going. The only reason she knows she’s still alive, that she is still capable of caring. The reason she stops to help, again and again.

He’s intruded. She needs to distract him, make him forget the words that slipped out in panic, her mind trapped inside the shell of her dreaming self. Make him forget, before he asks questions.

Slowly, she unfolds. Slowly, raises her hands to his face. She hates how they shake. Fingers move through his hair, disturbing the black waves. She’ll give him everything he wants, everything he needs to forget.

********

He’s surprised when she begins to kiss him. It takes all of his control to keep still. To keep from descending into the mindless pleasure she’s offering.

He’s seen this before. Recognises the signs. He cups her face, resting his forehead against hers as he resists.

“Alia…” How she writhes at his voice! The response is wired in her though, he’s sickened by the desperate nature of her caresses. The drive of someone taught to fear, taught the only way to survive is to debase themselves, to control those in power with the only thing available...

“Alia...don’t. You don’t need to do anything for me.”

She laughed even as he spoke, his body helpless to prevent its responses to her actions. Only barely restrained by his better nature he caught her hands

“Alia, if I am to have you, I want it to be the real you. Not like this.”

Suddenly she’s blazing. A flaring corona of fury. She retreats into the anger, he’s seen right through her tricks. Through her control. Anger is the only other way she can protect herself. It’s been a long time since she was that scared little girl. A long time since she couldn’t just take what she needed. And how she needs him!

Against her will she is still responding, his undeniable maleness setting things in motion that she would rather bury.

Sex is just an act, divorced from deeper meaning. No feelings, just pleasure. Expect nothing but the warm heat that fills you. Hope for some skill, but learn to mind to yourself.

Except...except...the memory of his biotics flaring through her armour filled her mind.

He sees her pause. Sees her thinking. What’s going on behind her eyes he can only guess. A gentle stroke of his thumb against her lip makes her gasp. He smiles, and kisses those dusky lips, relishing the little jump her body makes. With supreme effort, he draws away, wraps her in a lift, and places her on the bed.

“Goodnight, Commander.”

********************

She can’t believe it. He left. Hard and needy, he left. He saw enough to understand, to not just take. No one ever did that before. Dimly she realised the contradictions in her own mind; she wanted to give up her control but she feared it more. Early on she’d learnt that lesson. A bitter taste soured her mouth as she remembered the Enclave, her ‘training’.

_The other girls hated her. Called her whore, demon, made her life miserable._

_She was six when her mother died. Her father, lost in the war, barely remembered. They never knew what happened to him._

_She was supposed to go to the Alliance facility, but the war had taken many and the quota was full. Even then she suspected there was something else, a holdover from old fears, old hatreds, still uselessly stuck in the human psyche._

_She was placed with an Enclave. The proctors said it would be good for her; to be with those like her, who shared her own beliefs, her own culture. She didn’t understand. She’d lived in a wide mixed burg, her family had not subscribed to any belief system other than equality. She tried to tell the proctors, she had family. Her fathers family in London. Her mothers family in Esfahan. She showed them pictures; all the people lined up in a row, white and brown and in-between; all happily smiling for the camera, children piled together between the laughing adults._

_She told them her name; Alia Zahara Matthews._

_It made no difference. Within the month she was nameless. Within the month, she had a number, and nothing else._

_Her number was 3376. She was lodged in housing with twenty other girls, aged between four and ten. It was always dark in that room. Always cold. Two women oversaw them. She never knew their names. Never saw their faces. But they saw hers. Saw her black hair, her olive skin, and were pleased. Until she opened her eyes and they saw the bright blue of her fathers heritage._

_It took her many years to understand their hate._

_The simulators. The biofeedback loops. The pleasure/pain inhibitors._

_The men fed them just enough to promote normal development but stuffed them with hormones to bring them to a ripeness well before nature intended. She’d suffered the taunts when she panicked as her body matured at a frightening rate. The first time she’d menstruated, she’d learnt enough to know what was coming next._

_She was fourteen when they put her up for sale. Her naked form shivering from the cold water that had washed the worst of the warren stink off her not moments before._

_"3376. Prime specimen. Scores high in simulations. Very well trained.”_

_She heard the bids, low, and she kept her head down, ashamed and afraid that she was destined to remain. If she didn’t reach asking price…_

_A prodstunner jerked her upright, her eyes flying open to the lights of the ring. She could hear the Fathers draw in a breath before they began to shout bids over each other. A deep voice overtook the rest, the offer was unusual, made in eezo and platinum, rather than the normal cred chips, but even with her limited understanding she knew the price was astronomical._

_“Most irregular, most irregular!”_

_Querulous voices, raised in disdain against the buyer. She risked a glance. He wasn’t a Father, this man that had bought her. That meant he was a mercenary, or a pirate._

_“Right of wealth, my friends. You stick with your sheep, I’ll take this wolf off your hands. You wouldn’t know what to do with her with one like her anyway if her scores are anything to go by!”_

_Mumbling, petulant, the Fathers subsided, the wiser amongst them unwilling to challenge this brash man, the younger and bolder, still angry, but constrained by their peers as they waited for the next girl to be paraded before them._

_Handing over the price, the man had taken her by the hand, whipping a cloak out of a pocket in his cargos._

_"Come on girl, I’ve been waiting for you a long, long time.”_

*************************

Even amidst the terror her early memories invoked, that the then unknown man had provoked, she still looked back at that day as one of the best in her life.

The day that Anderson had saved her.

*****************************

But he’d only saved her body.

Her mind, trapped within itself, angry and capable of lashing out against any who tried to help. The counsellors, the tutors, they all came and went, unable to reach through to the girl, they couldn’t understand the level of damage that had been done to her.

Anderson knew though.

He knew she had to harness it, own it, or it would drive her mad.

She was sixteen when he gave her her first rifle.

She was seventeen when he took her to New Canton and fulfilled his promise. The bodies of the Fathers withered in the dust as the Alliance cruisers streaked through the sky and he knew her parents rested easy.

She chose the name Shepard. Chose the Alliance. Now she could choose again.

********************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn character development getting in the way...I promise we will get around to earning that E rating...even if I have to smoosh their stupid faces together in some sort of mako crash...


	8. Dance magic dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Normandy let loose on shore leave...  
> *************************

When they hit the Citadel for resupply, she granted shore leave for any who wanted it. A happy crew was a productive crew after all, she didn’t want any burn outs when a bit of stress relief was so easy to come by. Shepard disappeared almost the moment Normandy docked. Only Joker remained behind, ready to set the ship in motion. Kaidan tried one last time, saddened by his friends self imposed solitude.

“Come on, I’ll even buy? Ash wants to hit Chora’s for that revival night that’s all over the ‘net, and I _know_ you like Asari.”

“nah man, I’m good. Got a few kinks in the VI need ironing out. Plus, I’ve heard these nights can get pretty rough...I might have a seizure...break a limb...you know the drill…”

“You’re afraid of dancing?”

“Nope. I’m afraid of _other_ people dancing. Like you. There’s a difference.”

Kaidan flipped him the bird, exiting through the airlock. He thought about the various members of the crew, most would be headed to Zakera ward. He knew for a fact that Wrex, Tali and Garrus were planning to crash Chora’s later, just to see what Ash would do. Liara was headed to the Presidium, the rest of the crew would end up in one of the clubs at some point. Shepard had given them a full 24 hours of liberty.

Now if he only knew where she’d got to he’d be a happy man.

*************************

At that moment, Shepard was in Udina’s office, listening to the man rant while she shared exasperated glances with Anderson. It was much easier to just ignore the Ambassador when he started off like this, his humanity first pitch was wearying, full of rhetoric and contradictions. Luckily he was due for a council meeting very soon.

She couldn’t wait.

*************************

“So...how’s it going working with the Citadels number one bigot?”

David Anderson rolled his eyes, and she smirked. It was all the answer she needed. Sooner or later, Udina was going to get himself in a world of trouble. She hoped she was there to watch it.

“How’re you holding up Ali? You treating my ship well?”

“The ship? Yes.”

He caught the dark mood rising. He knew her well, had helped her pick up pieces again and again. Striding to the desk, he poured two generous shots, brandy, she thought, and handed her one.

“Want to talk?”  

“Not really, no.” She sighed and took a sip. It was surprisingly smooth. “I’ll be fine Dave, really. Well, I will be, once I have a bit of shore leave, let my hair down.”

“Where you headed? There’s a new officer's club on Tayseri ward…”

She surprised him by laughing “Tayseri? You think I’d mingle with them? Nah, I’m down to Zakera, heard that Chora’s is having a revival night, most of the crew are going.”

“Revival night huh? Well, have fun sweetheart, try not to start anymore fights while you’re there this time?”

“No promises Uncle Dave, though I’m more interested in how Turian ears will react to early 21st century music…”

Rising to leave, she placed the glass down and shot a parting word over her shoulder;

“Don’t punch Udina without me, right?”

*********************

Anderson remembered the girl she’d been, and the woman she was now, and he marvelled. It had taken him years to find her after her family reported she had disappeared. The corruption of the Fathers and New Canton went all the way to the top of the Alliance. There had been enclaves all over earth in the wake of the war. He’d been shocked at just how much had escaped notice. The bribes, the sheer wealth and scale of the operation, and the people implicated as the truth began to come out. He’d thought humanity had grown, matured into a race worthy of joining the galactic community. He’d thought wrong.

Instead greed and power had allowed the exploitation of thousands upon thousands of children. Girls like his Alia, chosen for beauty and trained for pleasure, boys, and the early culls, those with defects or an unsuitable...attitude, destined for manual labour on some of the most primitive colonies. He still had nightmares about it, when they’d finally won enough support to eradicate the Fathers, to liberate the slaves in their possession. New Canton had held records on each and every slave it swallowed. Whole rooms of records, with empty ones waiting to be filled.

In the end, they saved less than a quarter of the lost souls. Half of those that worked the land had perished by the Father's own hands, hastily disposed of in landfills, desperate to hide their crimes. Of the rest, some were just too weak to continue, but others, those who had been longest under the heel, fought for the Fathers, and died with them. Only the ones with more spirit, or more sense, had hidden away, to emerge to a victorious Alliance with Shepard in the vanguard even then.

Activating his comm, he contacted Sergeant Bailey while he poured another glass of Udinas’ brandy.

“Sergeant, Commander Shepard will be present in Zakera ward tonight. Ensure she is not disturbed by the press. And please, don’t arrest her and then come looking to me for bail.”

************************

Chora’s Den was a dive. The pulsing lights and driving bass that drove through the darkness sent greetings to her through empty business premises and alleys as she moved closer.

Shepard loved it.

The Normandy crew was easy to spot. Wrex’s gigantic form took up a whole bench just for him as he leered up at the dancer writhing to the dirty beats pounding through the air. Just how the Asari was managing to find the beat in the gloriously chaotic music was beyond her. She must have put some serious practice in to be so choreographed.

Most of the patrons were human, tonight; the posters and net casts had been targeted with care, the mix of music flowing was heavy, dark and most definitely human. Asari were all about the dance, repetitive beats and synth scores. Krogan, battle chants of epic proportions. She’d heard the Salarians favored complex harmonics created by choirs and rounds. The Quarians also tended to lightness, prizing opera for the most part.

Of all her companions, she’d thought Wrex would appreciate this brand of music most and she wasn’t disappointed. Abandoning the Asari dancer he grinned down at Shepard, showing his appreciation.

“I like this Shepard! Makes me feel alive! Gets me right in the quads!”

She quirked an eyebrow “And that’s a good thing because…?”

He just laughed and merged with the crowd on the dancefloor, most of those still sober moving to give him plenty of room as he began to move with feral abandon, his head tucking into his hump as he dipped and bounced.

She spotted Ash propping up the bar, Kaidan by her side, laughing. Irritation bubbled up, he looked so carefree, dressed down in a black skinny tee and jeans, white teeth flashing in response to whatever Ash was saying in his ear. Shepard stalked over to the bar, the dim light of the dance floor placing her in shadow until she was almost close enough to hear them. As she neared him, she noticed his eyes moving, searching the crowd as much as he could.

“Imagine finding you here, Ash, Kaidan, didn’t think this was your scene?”

“You kidding skipper? You should see what I have on my ‘tool! Me and my girls used to spend all our creds on downloads!” Ash’s face lit up as a familiar song started to pump; downing her beer she tried to steer them all to the mass of bodies forming in a ring around Wrex.

“No way Chief, I’m not nearly drunk enough to get in the middle of that, you go on ahead, Wrex might need the help, I doubt he’ll know they’re not attacking him.” She watched as the ring contracted and the Krogan immediately went into a battle stance, barrelling revelers left and right.

“On second thoughts, he seems to be getting the idea pretty well.”

Her voice fell on empty space, Ash already heading to the Krogans side as she tried to stop him causing _actual_ bodily harm. It was good to see the woman interacting with him, after all the crap she’d originally had to say about the non human members of the crew. She could almost forgive her the Turians, given the history her family had had with them, but Tali was the sweetest girl she had ever known, and Wrex, for all his posturing, was, at heart (or hearts) a big softy, not that she’d ever call him on it.

Kaidan’s hand on her arm brought her out of her reverie; from the questioning expression on his face, he’d asked something

“Sorry Kaidan, didn’t quite catch that?”

He followed the direction of her gaze, smiling as he watched Wrex pick up Ash and balance her on his hump as he thrashed, arms windmilling and Ash's face splitting in a wide grin, gripping his neck for dear life.

“It’s good to see her loosen up around him, she needed it.”

There it was again. She knew she was being irrational but the spark of anger she felt seeing him smile in response to another woman was troubling. She didn’t need this, feelings were a complication she couldn’t afford, especially when she’d already let him see much more than he needed to. Catching the bartender's eye with a wave, she ordered a strong, fruity cider and flashed her omni to pay.

“You see Tali or Garrus anywhere?”

He’d spied them earlier, seated in a corner, as far away from the speakers as they could get without leaving altogether. Pointing them out, he tried to zone out how her face kept shifting from relaxed to hardened, the play of emotions too difficult for him to pin down. He wished he knew her better, knew what her triggers were so he could refrain from putting his boot in his mouth, again.

Watching her walk away distracted him a great deal, she was wearing a red corset that flared into a filmy black skirt. She looked fantastic, and the heels added a good few inches to her height, making her sway her ass as she moved. He could feel his face heat up so he quickly bought another beer and followed her over the the tables.  

He didn’t really see what Shepard saw in the music, but she was nodding along as they sat by Tali and Garrus, fingers drumming on the bottle as she drank. A nearly naked asari passed by with shots, he flagged her down and bought a whole rack, including a few dextro’s, grinning rakishly as the Commanders eyebrows lifted.

“Why, lieutenant, you trying to get me drunk?”

Her hand was knocked away by Tali, the tiny woman lunging for the dextro drinks before Garrus could even sit forward

“Keelah, Alenko you’re a lifesaver!” The mouth port on her suit was partially opened, with a neon blue straw poking out as she proceeded to down the shots in record time.

“Whoa! Tali, slow down, that shit’s strong!”

“Exactly, Shepard. I want to go and dance, and this bosh’tet doesn’t have the guts to ask me, so, I need to ask him. Or...dance on my own. Keelah, Garrus, cover your ears why don’t you!”

“Oh, wow, well, come on Garrus, you can’t keep a lady waiting…”

With a look that spoke of how much she would pay, he lifted the inebriated Quarian out of her seat and somehow managed to shuffle his way into a dance, albeit slightly hampered by the arms he was forced to keep around her waist. Tali responded with a whoop and a wiggle as she caught the beat. Shepard doubted if she could even understand the lyrics screaming over the bass now but she seemed to be enjoying herself at least. More than could be said for her and Kaidan, the both of them were sitting awkwardly as they looked at the remaining shots, the easy flirting banter they’d enjoyed through their first few missions lost.

“Shepard...I…” She watched him heave a breath and grab his drink. Knocking the whole glass back, he pushed the other towards her, a hopeful little smile on his face.

“Care to dance?”

***************************

She lost herself in the music, nothing mattered there, there was no pain, no anger, no doubt, only the beat and thump and pure ecstasy of movement. Her black hair, loose now, whipped back and forth as her hips circled, arms reaching to the lights as she screamed out the lyrics, the heavy weight of bodies pressing against her, and one, burning hot at her back as arms encircled her waist…

 

_We get some rules to follow_

_That and this, these and those_

_No one knows_

_We get these pills to swallow_

_How they stick in your throat_

_Taste like gold_

_Oh what you do to me_

_No one knows_

_I realize you’re mine_

_Indeed a fool am I_

_I realize you’re mine_

_Indeed a fool am I_

_I journey through the desert_

_Of the mind with no hope_

_I follow_

_I drift along the ocean_

_Dead lifeboat in the sun_

_And come undone_

_Pleasantly caving in_

_I come undone_

_I realize you’re mine_

_Indeed a fool am I_

 

_I realize you’re mine_

_Indeed a fool am I_

 

_Heaven smiles above me_

_What a gift here below_

_But no one knows_

_The gift that you give to me_

_No one knows_

 

A smile graced both their lips, unseen as they moved in unison, close as skin touched and hands caressed, quickening breaths hot and heavy, his weight through her thin skirt driving her to greater efforts as she pushed back into him.

Mesmerised, he spun her, searched her face, found nothing but desire, nothing but the flush of pleasure...his hands found her body once more, drawing her close as he drifted his hands to her ass, the soft roundness filling his hands as he groaned.

Praying he wasn’t overstepping, he leaned in, caught her scent, sweet, like candyfloss, and drowned as she thrust her hips forward, looking him right in the eye she bit her lip, brushing against him lightly as she smirked.

Eyes blown wide he caught her with a kiss, heat blossoming and spreading like a fire, her hands were on him, in his hair, raking it as she gave herself to his mouth, still grinding her hips to the music and god, it felt so good, he was hard against her and nothing was better until he guided his thigh against her core and felt her heart skip as she moved, her small breathy gasps and moans in his ear…

She wanted him, now. Never mind feelings, never mind regs, she’d deal with the fallout tomorrow. But now, all she could think was the wet slide of her thighs, the wet mess that was her knickers rubbing along her clit, her nipples aching to be sucked, flicked, anything to relieve the unbearable tension building from the too light friction she had against him.

“Normandy. Now.”

“Are you sure?” His brows drew down, he didn’t know how much more he could resist, and if he messed this up…

His gentle question released something in her, she felt it, she was safe with him, had been all along, even now, the hands that griped her flesh were light enough that she knew she could pull back, escape if she wanted.

She never wanted to escape again.

“I’m sure...Kaidan...I...need you, please!”

***********************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's interested, the song is No one knows, by Queens of the Stone Age. Tune. 
> 
> So now for a vote; straight to smut? Or shall we play a little more...a drunken Tali and scandalised Liara would make a very good distraction...


	9. Chapter 9

So so sorry, my computer has massively died so you lovely lovely people will need to bear with me while the hubster tries to work his magic.   
I'm honestly so humbled by all the reads, comments and kudos you guys have given me, I hope you'll all stick with me until I can back to work!   
Keep the love for shenko and shega (eventually!)  
xx


	10. Symphony in Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry! I've been very lax and I can't believe people are still reading this given how long it's been since I last posted, this is just a short chapter, but I hope it revives my flagging hopes of ever finishing this epic undertaking.

The dim lighting of the ward sheltered them as hands wandered until they stumbled upon a  
transport. Locking in the autopilot for the dock, Shepard could feel his gaze on her, skin  
flushed and tingling she turned to find him smirking at her. Her breathing was too fast; she  
could feel the rise and fall of her chest, the rapid thumping of her heart threatening to drown  
out his voice. Her stomach felt like she’d possibly left it behind somewhere in Choras’, the  
blush gracing her cheeks almost invisible as they streaked along the Lake.

She imagined this was what her few friends had described of their first experiences with a  
lover; oddly she felt similar to when she was readying for a mission, but the thought didn’t  
worry her. She briefly calculated the time, most of the crew wouldn’t be back for another few  
hours, so they should have relative privacy if they didn’t count Joker. Making a mental note to  
override the sensors in her cabin she twisted to place herself closer to Kaidan, his warm  
body welcoming her into his orbit. He was so hot it was like having a portable heater;  
snuggling against him she giggled as he flinched from her cold hands and face.

“Jesus Shepard, you’re freezing!”

The only response she gave was to bury her hands further against him, laughing as he  
squirmed away then returned to catch her lips with his, bodies close, the temperature of her  
hands forgotten.

The cab began to slow, startling them; it felt like they had only been in transit for a few  
minutes, not enough by half to get them back to The Normandy. A quick glance outside at  
the dark structures showed they were still on the Wards, the vast bulk of the Council Tower  
looming overhead.

A chime from the door had them scurrying apart, hands patting clothes and hair, hastily  
attempting to look like comrades sharing a ride.  
Kaidan swore, under his breath, as a pale blue hand grasped the rail, followed by a  
considerable number of bags as Liara swung herself gracefully into the transport.

“Oh! I apologise, the occupied light was not engaged, Commander, I simply hailed for the  
Normandys dock…”

“No trouble at all Liara, we were just heading back from Choras actually, it was all a bit  
much, the rest of the crew were there still though, do you want us to take your bags on to the  
ship? You could go rescue Garrus from Tali, or watch Wrex beat up the locals?”

He heard the slight desperation in her voice, but didn’t think Liara picked up on it, his hunch  
confirmed when Liara smiled politely.

“No, thank you Shepard, some of my purchases are...delicate...I would rather I saw to them  
myself.”

“By all means. The lieutenant and I will be busy going over the next weeks rotations and  
trying to figure out a plan regarding Saren.”

Kaidan saw his chance; he’d already sent the rota for approval before he left the Normandy  
earlier that evening, and planning for Saren was laughable, now more than ever they were  
winging it where that was concerned.

“Commander, given the crew will be returning in various states of intoxication, perhaps we  
should complete the work in a private space? I don’t imagine we will be very productive with  
Tali singing the saga of the Migrant Fleet in the CIC?”

“Good thinking, lieutenant, I have a secure terminal in my quarters, we can call a ship wide  
briefing at 0900”

“I would think that 1100 would be more appropriate Shepard, we simply do not carry enough  
stims to have the whole crew operating at that hour. It is already past 2am ship time, and we  
have a significant flight time to our next destination do we not?”

Shepards face lit up with a brilliant smile.

“Thank you for reminding me Liara, that should give us all a good nights sleep before we hit  
the next system. Will you be retiring immediately?”

The maidens eyes alighted on Shepards exposed thigh; the black net frothing in her lap and  
forgotten in the rush.

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...locked cabin door...erstwhile crew...sounds good right?


End file.
